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Thankfully, the answer is probably not. Most children use the internet to socialize with friends and pursue budding interests. They manage to steer clear of the dangerous predators lurking in chat rooms and other forums who slyly manipulate their way into electronic networks of school-age friends to find and groom the next vulnerable child for future exploitation. While most children are safe on the internet, as you read these words some are in danger. Is your child one of these unfortunate few? How would you know before it is too late?
Given the risks, parents cannot feel secure with the mere probability their child will be safe. Even “good” or “smart” children are still just children and make, or can be induced to make, bad decisions with tragic consequences. Short of physically being present during your child’s every encounter with the internet, there is no way for a parent to be 100% sure their child has not been contacted by a predator. Parents need to know the characteristics of typical victims, the warning signs a predator has entered your child’s life, and steps they can take to protect their children.
Characteristics of typical victims:
* Most but not all victims are between the age of 12 and 15 years old.
* Most victims have an instant message account (most kids do) but have not set up privacy or security settings to block strangers and, in fact, willingly engage in conversations with strangers.
* Most victims tend to live in suburban or rural towns.
* Most victims are very sheltered and nave, although a few are at the opposite extreme and willing to take very serious risks.
* Most victims tend to be loners with few offline friends. They are often looking for love and affection online. Many children contacted by predators believe they are communicating with someone around their own age, and not with an adult.
* Most victims tend to spend more than 90 minutes of non-homework time a day online, and are secretive about their internet activities. When you walk by, the screen often goes blank or windows are minimized.
* Most victims tend to have few activities outside of the internet.
Just because your child matches one or more of these characteristics does not mean they are being targeted by predators, nor is your child perfectly safe if they match none of these characteristics. In all circumstances, a parent should be ever vigilant and involved in their children’s on-line activities.
Warning signs your child is being contacted by a predator:
* Phone calls. Are strange calls showing up on your phone bills? Don’t assume you can pick out adults calling your children - a 35 year old can sound very much like a 15 year old if they want to.
* Gifts and packages arriving at your house. Many predators groom their victims by sending small gifts. Some predators have been known to send disposable cameras or web cameras for children to take pictures of themselves with.
* Secrecy. Teens are often secretive, and often it is a symptom of nothing more than their carving out an independent life for themselves. However, if your child is taking secrecy to an extreme, or has suddenly become more secretive than before, it is cause for concern.
* Trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Predators are masters of manipulation. Unexplained and sudden changes in your child’s mood or behavior may be a sign they are being manipulated in ways they are not comfortable with but are reluctant to talk about.
Steps to protect your child:
* Teach your child to not communicate online with people they have not physically met offline. This absolutely means friends of friends. Predators often infiltrate a network of child friends by finding the one weak link and using that person’s trust to gain contact with others. Under no circumstances should a child meet in person someone they only know online - in most cases where a child is exploited, the child is conned or coerced into willingly meeting the predator offline
* Go through your child’s list of internet buddies and have them tell you the real name of each person on the list.
* Review you child’s home page or online profile. Make sure there is no personally identifiable information there, including photos, school name, or team names. Many predators keep detailed files on their targets and gather information over time from a variety of sources. Even seemingly innocuous information may prove harmful when combined with comments made weeks or months later. “I play catcher on my baseball team”, “I went to a Red Sox game!”, and “Big game against Bedford tomorrow - I hope we crush them!” can tell a predator their target probably lives in the Boston area and is playing baseball somewhere in Bedford the following afternoon. A quick Google search will show the public schools in Bedford and which ones have baseball games scheduled.
* If your child has been approached or harassed online, have them immediately delete their old account, pick a new username and start another. Do not let the harassment continue.
* Absolutely prohibit web-cams. Easy-to-use $20 Webcams instantly transmit high-quality continuous color video across the globe and are used by predators to exploit children.
* Most importantly, install keylogger or monitoring software on the computer used by your child( one vendor of such software is PCSentinel Software - www.pcsentinelsoftware.com ). There is no other way to be totally certain of what your child is doing online or who they are communicating with - and there is no other way of keeping 100% accurate records of what was said in the event your child is contacted by a predator. Even though it may feel like “spying” on your child, a parent has a responsibility to know with certainty who is in their child’s life and keylogger software provides that certainty.
Michael Ryan owns and operates PCSentinel Software, developer of easy-to-use keylogger software like PCSentinel’s Busted: Keylogger and Instant Message Monitor and PCSentinel’s Red-Handed: Record Instant Messages!
Follow my lead. Here’s the story. Tray is a hero among his peers. Tray has fathered several children from different women at his high school. Instead of his behavior repelling other young ladies, Tray finds himself a babe magnet. Tray sees himself as a “real man.” While students see Tray as an American icon, adults see Tray’s attitude as both arrogant and embarrassing. Tray’s mother complains that Tray’s like his daddy. His daddy is useless.
Introduction
Are you still trying to figure out your man? Why does he keep you at great length? Are you a man still dealing with your past masculine issues? Let’s examine this closer. First, many critics argue the significance of men in today’s family structure. Some people argue about the relevancy of fathers in the family environment. Women don’t need men. Today’s woman is the head of the household and makes her own money. Let’s explore the statistics for a moment. According to the 2005 Census Report, there are 66.3 million fathers in the United States. There are 26.5 million fathers in a traditional family environment. There are 2.3 million single fathers living with children under 18 years old, up from 393,000 in 1970. There are also approximately 98,000 stay-at-home dads in America. Unfortunately, everything is not a pleasant story. There are 4.6 million fathers who pay child support, representing 84 percent of child support providers.
The Gospel Truth
Fathers in traditional families are more engaged than several decades ago. According to some studies, members of Generation X and Y are more likely to be family-focused. For example, Generation X fathers spent more time with children compared to Baby Boomer fathers. The impacts of the male influence in families may not be obvious. Does it really matter if a male is not a part of a child’s life? Many people grew up with fathers whose primary role was as provider. The presence of a male figure in the home does impact children. Nationally syndicated columnist Leonard Pitts, Jr. wrote a book, Becoming Dad, where he surveys his tortured relationship with his abusive father. Pitts discusses how it affected his relationship with his own sons and daughters. He writes, “My father made our lives hell. And yet, for all of that, he was one thing many other fathers were not: He was there.”
While millions of men celebrate their manhood, others try to conceal the broken relationships with their fathers and its consequences.
Obviously, fathers are imperfect and this has been amplified in our society. Personally, I blame postmodern culture for fueling this negativism. Clearly, we are being bombarded with negative concepts of fathers. We do not live in an era of ‘Leave It to Beaver’ where dad knows best, and we have a caricature of Superman. My experience is that many fathers of our era are trying to do the right things; however, this gets lost in the day-to-day drama of life. I mentor many young men in my community and would offer some suggestions for men (current or future fathers):
A Happy Ending
Fathers are necessary to achieve a healthy family balance even though they are not celebrated as such. Obviously, there are numerous examples of deadbeat dads, abusers, and downright losers. But, if society buys into the notion that fathers are useless, how do we give our children a sense of hope for the future? We must showcase the positive things fathers are doing in the community while counseling the misguided ones. America cannot survive without real fathers and real men.
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Daryl and Estraletta Green provide personal advice all around the country. Daryl is the author of two books, Awakening the Talents Within and My Cup Runneth Over. They have been noted and quoted in such media organizations such as USA Today, NBC’s Alive at Five, Heaven 600, Answerline, American Urban Radio, The Bev Smith Show, The Hallerin Hill Show, Ebony Magazine, and BET’s Buy the Book. The Green’s nationally syndicated column, FamilyVision, reached 200 newspapers and over 12 million readers. For a free list of the Green’s Top Ten Life, Changing Books, you can email at their website, http://www.darylandestraletta.com |
Who is really “in-charge” in today’s family? Do kids have too much power? Many parents today’s are overwhelmed when it comes to parenting. They find themselves constantly explaining, arguing and negotiating with their children. Parenting becomes frustrating and not much fun. The “quality time” is often spent in a power-struggle.
Parents know they don’t want to raise their children in an authoritarian, diminishing, character-crushing style. Yet, the “laisser faire” approach doesn’t work either — it results in spoiled self-centered kids. The more kids get to “run the show”, the harder it actually is for them to be happy and satisfied. The harder it is for them to grow up to be productive responsible adults.
Is there a middle ground? A way that works for both the parent and child? Yes, happily there is. But to understand how to effectively balance freedom and discipline requires a look at the roots of kids’ power struggles.
Children learn how to engage you into a power struggle by manipulating you with emotions (whining, pouting, tantrums, etc.). They push your “hot buttons”. The goal of the manipulation game on the child’s part is to see if you will engage emotionally with him — it is a measuring device of power.
Children usually start to test their power between 1-2 years of age. This is the same time they start to develop a sense of self. It is the time when they no longer look at the reflection in the mirror and see another baby — they now recognize the reflection as their own self.
At this point they will object to what you say, not because of reasoning, but just because they can. They quickly find out what works and will continuously push for more and more. For example, if whining will eventually get them what they think they want — they will increase the whining.
If, over time, the whining keeps “working”, this behavior develops into a habit and the child will start doing it unconsciously. The irony is that although the child is on the surface getting what they want, they become more and more demanding and eventually develop an ingrained attitude of unhappy dissatisfaction that is hard to break.
Punishment is not the answer. Children are not bad or wrong for pushing and testing to see what they can get with their emotional manipulation games. They are just exploring, experimenting and learning about the world and their place in it.
Children often are not even aware of the emotional games they are playing. They are simply modeling what they have seen on TV or what they’ve seen other kids do. The first step is to point it out to them and bring their awareness to it. Then you can explain that what they are doing “doesn’t work” and explain the behavior you want instead.
You must be gently firm but unwavering in your commitment. If you “give in”, your child will simply learn that their game really does work after all — they just need to whine louder (or cry harder, etc.) and keep at it longer.
The real key is for you, the parent, to avoid getting emotionally hooked into the game — to observe the child’s behavior in a non-judgmental way, and then respond appropriately instead of emotionally reacting. Once you “take it personally”, your objectivity evaporates and everybody loses. The easiest way to stay out of this emotional quicksand is to shift into a mental attitude of curiosity.
One of the biggest gifts you can give your child is to hold them accountable to their emotional impact on others. If done with curiosity and non-judgment — it WILL work! It takes the fight out of potential power-struggles and strengthens the child’s emotional intelligence. Children learn how to control their emotions instead of having their emotions control them.
(C) Copyright 2005, Nue Nue Education
You are welcome to post/distribute/publish this article provided that the article is published in it’s entirety with no changes and full contact information is provided.
Nicole Mackenzie’s simple, yet proven Responsive Parenting Method shows parents how to ease worries and raise more responsible and happier kids - all while having fun! Based on the universal principles of teamwork, mutual respect, honest communication, non-judgmental awareness and curiosity — and NO punishment!
Use simple tools to teach your kids accountability and responsibility without emotional engagement, power struggles or blame. Nicole is an author and mother of 6 children. She has been a facilitator, speaker, coach and trainer for 16 years.
For a free parenting eClass, email: eclass9step@morefunlessworkparenting.com
Please visit: http://morefunlessworkparenting.com and http://rulenumberone.com
Puberty can be a difficult time for children. Not quite kids anymore and not really adolescents they are caught in the middle in type of limbo. It is a sad time for many young people too. Many look back at their childhood and realise that they can never really act the same way yet they look ahead and realise that adolescence will present them with its own peculiar challenges.
Children are reaching adolescence earlier than ever. The World Health Organisation estimates that in developing countries puberty begins about three months earlier every ten years. It is a stage when the maturity gap between girls and boys is quite evident - about two years.
Puberty is a time of immense body changes. The male and sex hormones are different and set off different development in girls and boys. Bodily changes are more evident for girls are accompanied by huge mood swings, which can be disconcerting fro parents. The onset of puberty is not so obvious for boys. The first physical sign boys may notice is the enlargement of the testes, followed by growth of pubic hair. Testosterone, the male hormone, also affects mood swings but it arguably leads to increased energy and boisterousness. Many parents discover that their pre-teen son delights in wrestling with siblings or even his father in what is a sort of test of strength. Paradoxically, many early teen boys need more sleep and eat parents out of house and home.
Pre teens have a need for greater privacy so they spend more and more time in bedrooms, locked in bathrooms or arguing with younger siblings about personal space.
During puberty peers begin to assume increasing importance in young people’s lives. Their opinions, their dress and appearance is increasingly influenced by their friends. It can be hurtful for a parent to discover that you are less influential than your child’s friends, particularly if you enjoyed a close relationship when they were younger. It is a time when the telephone often becomes usurped, particularly by girls. Incidentally, girls can be quite cruel to each other at this age forming friendship groups along extremely exclusive lines.
It is time for parents to be a little circumspect - a time for guidance and influence rather than control. Make no mistake children during this time of change need their parents more than ever. The way you go about helping them changes - subtle, gentle guidance is often required.
This particular stage provides a window of opportunity for parents. It is a time to help prepare your child for adolescence and even adulthood. It is a time for parents to establish a relationship based on mutual respect and shared interest. And it is the start of an exciting period in your child’s development that requires thoughtful and smart parenting.
Michael Grose is The Parent Coach. For seventeen years he has been helping parents deal with the rigours of raising kids and survive!! For information about Michael’s Parent Coaching programs or just some fine advice and ideas to help you raise confident kids and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au
The method know as three dimensional ultrasound is used in early pregnancy, it provides 3d images of the fetus. Most times these pictures are rapidly collected and combined and animated to created a 4d ultrasound scan.
Three dimensional scanning works in the same manner to the normal ultrasound methods except that the ultrasound pulses are sent from many directions. The ultrasound pulses are redirected back then captured to provide info to construct a 3d image in much the same way as 3d movies. 3d ultasound scanning was devised in the usa.
It’s important to understand that sonologists worldwide always conjured 3d images of anatomy or pathology in their minds while doing their 2d scans. However, until recently it was not possible to do this kind of reconstruction on patient data acquired using ultrasound. With the advent of baby scans for the first time allowed us a peek into the mechanics of thinking of a sonologist and so allowing us see the images on the ultrasound machine.
3d imaging should utilize ultrasound energy following the same limits as conventional 2d ultrasound to create the 3d images. There is no data to suggest any harm due to 3d ultrasound, its use in non-medical situations should be undertaken with an understanding of the risks involved.
The method know as three dimensional ultrasound is that can be used during early pregnancy, it can provide 3d pictures of the unborn child. Most of the time these pictures are rapidly captured and combined and animated to created a 4d ultrasound scan.
Three dimensional scans works in the same way to the normal ultrasound scanning methods except that the ultrasound scanning pulses can be directed from multiple directions. The ultrasound waves are redirected back and captured and provide information to construct a 3 d image in much the same way as 3d pictures. 3 dimesional ultasound scanning was devised in the usa.
It is important to understand that sonologists all over the world have always conjured 3d pictures of the body in their minds while carrying out 2d scans. However, until recently it was very difficult to do this kind of reconstruction on on patient information using ultasound scanning. The advent of 4d scans for the first time allowed us a peek into the thinking of a sonologist and hence letting us see the images on the ultrasound machine.
3d/4d ultrasound imaging should utilize ultrasound energy following the same limits as conventional 2d ultrasound to create the 3d images. There is no data to suggest any harm due to 3d ultrasound, its use in non-medical situations needs to be undertaken with the understanding of the risks.