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A Thoughtful Plan Can Diffuse the Power Struggle
Does the thought of asking your child to move on to their next
activity unnerve you? Picture this: Your child comes home from
school and heads straight for the playroom, excited to spend
some time with their new Star Wars action figures or Barbie
Doll. They play for an hour; you can hear their squeals of
delight from the kitchen as you’re preparing dinner. And then,
the moment you dread… it’s time to call your child to dinner.
The battle begins.
You call once, no reply. You call again only to be greeted with
“In a minute, Mom!” and then “Just a sec” or worse, an
exasperated “Okay - I’m coming!” and no hungry child appearing
at the table. As the food grows cold, your internal temperature
rises until you swear you could reheat the soup just by sticking
your finger in it - and still no hungry child at the table.
In childcare, transition times are when you are trying to help
children finish an activity or daily routine and move on to
another one. During free play, children will often be very
engaged in their chosen activity and they will find it difficult
to abruptly stop what they are doing. The same holds true for
any favorite activity - playing the piano, talking on the phone
with friends or even listening to the new Green Day CD.
Transitioning from one activity to another is often a difficult
time in child care settings. But there’s no reason to throw in
the towel and admit defeat. Transitions can be transformed into
positive experiences by a solid upfront plan. Preparation is
your best friend in engaging your child in transition
activities.
Transitional activities can be positive and exciting ways of
moving children from one activity to another. They can make
finishing one activity and moving on to another activity a
learning experience and an adventure.
Let’s look at our free play example and incorporate a simple
technique to smooth your child’s transition from playtime to
dinner time. You may find it helpful to give them a warning that
playtime will soon be over. Instead of calling out “five more
minutes,” ensure your child has heard you by going directly to
them and saying “You have time for one more checkers game.
Dinner is in five minutes.”
The warning serves two purposes: 1. It clearly sets a plan for
your child to follow (only one more game) and 2. It shifts your
child’s focus from the current activity to the new one.
Some children may take longer to stop one activity and move on
to the next. Even with fair warning, many children will be
reluctant to stop playing in favor of doing homework, having
dinner, or taking a bath. If your child is unable to switch
gears quickly, it is helpful to give this type of child
ten-minute, five-minute and one-minute warnings before a change.
This allows them to gradually prepare for the shift.
Transition times and activities differ from child to child and
even activity to activity. You may find that your child
transitions quickly from playtime to a pizza dinner but drags
their feet when transitioning from t.v. time to bed time.
Knowledge from your child’s past transitions and understanding
of your child and their feelings is the foundation on which to
build your transition strategy.
Some of the following may raise your insights towards transition:
1. How is my child behaving/feeling?
Anxiety: For some children, change (even simple change) is often
difficult. Ease the child’s anxiety, and resistance to change
diminishes significantly.
Anger: Leaving an enjoyable activity for a less enjoyable
activity often results in anger in the child. Setting a time to
resume the enjoyable activity or devising creative transition
activities (a song or role playing) can help diffuse the child’s
tension.
Control: When parents understand the temperament of their
children, it’s easier to control the transition process.
Transition activities for a 2 year old differ greatly from those
of a 12 year old. Keep your child’s temperament and age in mind
when planning transition strategies.
2. How are these behaviors/feelings addressed?
Identification: Mindful observation of your child’s positive and
negative transitions can yield important clues to help smooth
future transitions. Minimize impacts: Timely and calming
approaches to transitions create a sense of routine and security
for your child.
Model healthy patterns of transition: Children emulate the
people they love. Sometimes teaching your child healthy
transition behaviors is as simple as modeling them yourself. 3.
How do you sustain good behaviors?
Awareness: Build upon your child’s strengths and successful
transitions. Support: Recognize your child’s weaknesses and
alter your strategy in dealing with them. Remember: Always try
to think about your plan to transition before you begin the
dialog.
